omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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