you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
