I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize