It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
