I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize