At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
