Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
do nipples grow back?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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