she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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