I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
