god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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