Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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