when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
