It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize