so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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