ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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