I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
