Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
