I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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