We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
