you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
