I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
