conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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