Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
