Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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