If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
