omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
