He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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