What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
