So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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