Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
