I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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