If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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