Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
