If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
this must be what syphilis tastes like
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
