I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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