I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize