I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
