a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
