I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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