it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
