honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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