So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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