stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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