$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
