So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize