every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
