I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
