Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
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