I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We talked him into tasing himself.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
