If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
