we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
