Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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