I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
