she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
