I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
