did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
