i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize