i just made my gag reflex go away.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
