there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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