I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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