"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
