Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
