Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
