just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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