My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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