Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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