so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
