Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
