nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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