My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
