ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This is the high leading the old right now
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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