If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
