If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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