I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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