I got her a Nickelback box set.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
