STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
