i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
