I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
