You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize