So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
