I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Duck Duck Cougar?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
