last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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