my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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