we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
