WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
