You really coming over, don't trick.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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