I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
