I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
