can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
