Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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