My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
